Sentiments For The Semi-Sentimental

Chibi people and online comics

2008-07-10T02:15:24Z

Well, the summer is very...relaxing. I've gone swimming a few times so far and drawn lots of pictures. I'm currently working on a new desktop for myself. It's taking me quite a while. I did it first by hand and then I'm outlining and colouring on the computer. I'm happy with it so far, but it's a huge image and it's going to take a long long long time to complete. My friend is really pushing me to finish it after they learned they were on it.

Balancing 'Dracula' and 'Interview With The Vampire' is not something I'd recommend. Both good books, the second more interesting than the first, but it's hard to read two things at once. I really like vampires. They are awesome.

I'm getting into a wide range of music, all contributing to emotions. Mika is now my happy music. I bought his CD and talked to this incredibly helpful guy at FutureShop. That was fun.

Driving is not as hard as it looks, but is definitely nerve-wracking. I drove 80km/hr. It was the weirdest experience ever. I didn't think I could do it without crashing or going under the speed limit (by something like 30 km...)

I need to think of more things to do. It's hard when it's overcast and there's always chances of rain. Why can't it be sunny and not humid?

The Professional

2008-06-14T19:46:07Z

Well, after six months, I finally got my earring changed. I bought this cool looking one that looks kinda like barbed wire to put in instead. I love it so much! And my mum bought me a new belt buckle! It's shaped like a wicked cool dragon. We bought it from the piercing place. My mum says we're 'regulars' there now because we've been twice. I think twice is more than she would have ever thought she'd go into one of those places in her life. I don't really care that we look awkward walking in, it's a cool place.
And the awesome(ly HOT) guy who pierced my ear was there. Well...I knew he would be because he's the place's only piercer, but still! I like seeing him =P His piercings are soooooo cool. But I wouldn't ever get them done. His ears are gauged bigger than flipping oreo cookies! lol. My mum's expression when she first saw him was HILARIOUS!!! I still laugh when I think about it.

Movie night tonight! Whoop! I'm having two of my girl friends over tonight (friends who are girls...I hate when people think the other way when I say that). We're watching movies and playing karaoke and GH and Rock Band and stuff. It should be awesome. I'm so excited.

Exams this week....Nervousness hasn't taken over yet, but I'm sure it will by Monday morning. I wish I didn't have 3 exams. Too many before summer =(

I got no sleep last night. My brother had a bunch of his friends over for an after party (after his prom). They made a lot of noise. I tried to fall asleep with my headphones plugged into my stereo and listening to Panic, but it didn't work. Maybe I'll sleep in extra long tomorrow.

Well, that's my day/night.

Super Cool Sunglasses

2008-05-28T23:32:09Z

It feels like the end of school already. It's hot outside, everyone has started dressing in summer clothes, I'm wearing my sunglasses, and my teachers have started cramming and acting incredibly boring. I just feel like collapsing in class. Look, I know the Cold War is important, but when you can see the hot weather right outside the window, it's just really really really hard to pay attention.

The list of what me and my sister plan on doing this summer (Project 'Occupy the kid'):
-biking in the woods
-water gun fights
-biking to the chip stand for lunch
-painting plaster molds
-inviting her friend over
-karaoke
-Guitar Hero, Rock Band (aka video games)
-teaching her still life drawing (maybe outside)
-phoning up my aunt and seeing if we can go swimming in her pool
-watching movies

That's all I've got so far. Let me know if you have any more ideas...XD

3rd Best Movie of All Time.

2008-05-25T17:03:35Z

I watched one of the weirdest movies with my brother last night! So so so strange! And it's supposedly the 3rd best movie of all time. Weird. It was made in 1969 or something, and the graphics are amazing for that time, but it's lacking a thorough plot XP What do you know- a Stanley Kubrick film.
2001: A Space Odyssey.
I haven't decided whether I'd recommend it or not. I guess it's worth a watch.

I got my hair cut! That was exciting. It's so much shorter now. My sister didn't even recognize me at the door, I look that different. I wonder what my friends will say tomorrow...
Something tells me my history teacher wont know who I am.

Current favourite song: 'Fast Car' by Tracy Chapman. I don't really know why. It's a sad song, but a good one.

Oh, my friends saw Fight Club. That was good. 2 out of 3 liked it a lot. The other just thought it was kinda creepy. I guess he's right in a way. Still an awesome movie, though. Brad Pitt is so kick ass.

I don't really know what to say. I'm sort of bored and don't have much to do, but there's not much to say today.
It's sunny. Umm....I'm procrastinating on my homework....Um....

There's this print, and it says "We're not taking him to the hospital". That's the title. How lame.

2008-05-22T23:34:14Z

So, here's how it's going, which isn't bad/isn't great- it's alright. Everything is alright...'cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes, talking with strangers waiting in line...Sorry, I just had to do that. It's one of my favourite Motion City Soundtrack songs right now. I've been going through my music lately, listening to stuff over and over that I haven't heard for a while. It's interesting to see how much my tastes have broadened and yet are still the same.

Fight Club is a great movie. Explains the userpic. 'Nuff said.

13 Days is not a great movie. Not even really good. It's hard to watch history films when they're exceptionally boring and you know the ending. It almost ruins it...NO they do not start nuclear warfare! If they did, we wouldn't be watching the stupid movie! Boooooorrrrrriiiiiiiing! And he wouldn't let us watch Dr. Strangelove because he thought we wouldn't understand it. Sheesh.

I'm still reading 1984, which is awesome. I want to watch that film after I'm done. The whole situation in the story is creepy...but it's a good read.
Art class is now officially the best. We're making 3-D sculptures of things from 2-D paintings. I chose this weird one called "The Red Model". So I'm making plaster casts of my feet and turning them into boots. My friend Kim is completely weirded out by them, but my art teacher loves the idea. Should be interesting.

Movie marathon this weekend! Woo hoo! My brother is picking up and bunch and we're going to watch them. Everything from Little Nemo to Nemesis to 2001 A Space Odyssey. That's something to look forward to.

Only one more day of school until I can sleep in. XD

iris shadows in the moonlight

2008-05-19T03:34:59Z

Alright, well, my friends want to go downtown tomorrow and I dunno about it. I mean, I just spent a lot of money to go to the panic concert and get a shirt and all, and now they want to drag me down town to 'hang out'.

'Hang out' is code for 'let's go spend money to have a good time'. I really don't like that. I don't like spending my money unless it's something I really really want. I don't like spending money at all. And I don't like spending money I don't have. I had to borrow some from my dad. I know it'll be taken from my allowance, but I just don't want to spend it. I'm saving up and I've made some big purchases recently. I went to two concerts in the past 3 months, pitched in to buy Rock band, bought some shirts from the panic concert, paid for a gift card for my friend's birthday. I just don't want to spend more. Why can't my friends hang out around our own neighbourhood? This is ridiculous. But I want to hang out with them, and they're all going...I don't want to be the anti-social one just because I care more about my expenses than the rest of them.

The panic concert was amazing. Worth every penny to get there and for the shirts. That's the thing- it was the best time of my life and I know those memories are worth more than money. I'm glad I've got them. I'm glad I got to spend that time with my mum.
The pictures, just in case you haven't seen them.
Diva much?
http://img397.imageshack.us/img397/7509/brendonxc4.jpg
Jon roadie pose:
http://img383.imageshack.us/img383/7163/jonlx6.jpg
Spencer wouldn't pose for anybody (all I've got are pics of his side or beautiful backside XP)
http://img153.imageshack.us/img153/2374/spencermk3.jpg
RYAN ROSS!!!! [best pic we got of him]
http://img153.imageshack.us/img153/5793/ryanxy2.jpg
Ryan waving (hand partially covering face =P)
http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/3615/ryan2pb1.jpg

Anyway, sorry if I'm being a downer. I'm incredibly tired and it's raining outside. The dish washer will probably go on at 4 am and I'm not exactly looking forward to it.

On the bright side...I wrote a poem that I like. Maybe I'll post it next time.

wolves chasing puppy dog tails [T-6 days and counting...]

2008-05-08T01:07:21Z

I finished that book and it was absolutely amazing. I can't wait to read the second one!

Things are going really great. I'm having a wonderful week and school's going a lot better than I thought it would turn out. Not too much longer of it until break anyway.

I've started listening to Cobra Starship and am in love with the video where they throw pies. I find it hilarious.

Sorry for the short post. I don't have much time. Need to write more of my ballad.

T-8 Days and counting....

2008-05-06T00:56:44Z

There is a sticky note on the back of my door tallying off the days until the Panic concert. I am soooo excited. I want to watch the deluxe edition DVD again, but I'm supposed to be doing homework (=P). I still haven't opened the puzzle or tried the vinyl yet. The puzzle just looks too perfect and I haven't gone over to my friend's house to use her record player. I've looked through the special album cover a million times now though.

I've started reading an AWESOMELY HILARIOUS book that my friend Liz suggested. It's great. Soooo funny. It's this modern sci-fi fantasy, Shadowhunter book, "City of Bones" by Cassandra Clare. Take a read- you wont be disappointed.

Well, I've done something I'd never thought I'd do...I've started to take on 2 fan fics at once. One SP one and another Panic one. I hope this doesn't end in disaster. I like them both too much for that.

Finally, I've come up with a story for my ballad. So sitting through 3 1/2 hours of 'Downfall' the directors cut payed off. Whoop de doo. That was a lot of German I sat through. Definitely a good movie, it was just too long for me. So now I'm writing about the last battle at Berlin from the German soldiers' perspective. Should be cool. [I'm putting it to the tune of 'Pas De Cheval', so, well, it's gotta be awesome, yeah?]

It was sunny today, I should have brought my aviators after all. Better luck tomorrow then.

And before I go: a word for the random.

The Tally Chief was dressed in a top hat and skinny jeans
Leaning on a spray painted brick wall
Calling to followers for what they do best
Guessing moods and feelings and patterns
In people's faces
Placing them in standard
Categories
Stories from which you will never hear from again
Blank pages full of screams
Tearing your eyes from the barrel of a neon gun
Ready. Aim. Fire.

Poet Tree

2008-05-04T15:50:53Z

This is a 'poem' (...rant...) that I wrote in December. I really like the wording with it. Words flow into each other and such. I think I wrote it late at night (no surprise there).
rulers matching measurements,
never the right size
or so they say
uneven lines and syllables
winning the prize
for utter shrinking tolerance
and that does not go for teaching
sentiments for the semi sentimental
and the ruler of the castle is only
30 centimeters long
really, may i ask?
or so the wise men march
to the beat of a
harmonica
and a baby screams
from far away
i am not able to imagine
but sheep are soft and cows are black and white
and horns are not so sharp as they appear
searing
ministries and black markets
cows behind the stalls
stalling for time
no. you may not ask
the wise men are not so wise
and the harmonica ceases
the scream ceases to be
and we are not so far away as we imagine
hearing
songs from broken headphones
statics in the attack
and the sizes still aren't the same
even though i insist
but the ruler could care less
and i could care more
that would be the end
forever
down the valley road
not meant to be, but is of its own accord
and the accordion keys glisten
as we were meant to listen
not to bells, or words, or bleating
but to life
with the volume on mute
my finger presses play
and the story begins again and again
relive our childhood once more
nothing chances
nothing stays the same
and in between
the walls are creeping closer

Just Living Proof That The Camera Is Lying (cont'd, cont'd)

2008-05-04T15:45:41Z

Wouldn't let me post 8- arrghhh. Too large again. So ignore the second half of the cut for 7. Eight is not with it- it is here.

Chapter 8:

I was denied a glass of whiskey and that made me superbly pissed off. As if I wasn’t having a hard enough time already, with David being a jerk and all, without having to watch all my alcohol be poured down the drain. I wouldn’t have thought that would be the best time to put me through that, but the rest thought otherwise. One after the other, the tops were unscrewed and my liquid gold was sent down, down, down- screwing me over with each slosh in the sink.

“Just one shot?” I pleaded, “Just one last one? I swear that will be it. Please? Guys, come on! That’s mine, you can’t do that.”

I moved to stand up from the kitchen chair, but Jeff pushed me back. My head was throbbing and all I wanted was to feel the comforting buzz of alcohol.

“Please, just one? My head really hurts. Please?” I looked up at Chuck, hoping he’d give in. He didn’t, dropping some more aspirins on the table.

Seb finished another bottle, placing it next to the collection on the side counter. There were a lot there, but I still couldn’t believe I had a problem. I didn’t want to count them, but Seb took the liberty to for me.

“Thirteen bottles,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Are there any more hidden anywhere?”

I shook my head, knowing perfectly well there was a bottle of vodka and a case of beer under my bed.

“I think you forgot some,” David came in with his hands full. I’d nearly forgotten about that other bottle of scotch, but there it was with the rest in his arms. He had a stupid grin plastered on his face, like he felt good for what he was doing to me. First the invasion of my laptop, then those pictures, and my head, and now taking away my booze. How could a friend do all that? I couldn’t believe one person could be such a jerk.

Seb took the bottles, dumping first the beer and then the vodka. He was about to reach for the scotch, when David stopped him.

“Wait,” he said. Hope passed through me, maybe David would give me a last glass after all. “I’d like to pour that one out.”

I tried to get up again, fists clenched so tight, my knuckles flared white. This time Chuck stood in my way.

“Calm down, Pierre!” he put a hand on my shoulder, trying his best to calm me down.

“I want to hurt him. I want to hurt him so bad. This is just too much,” I looked past Chuck at David smiling at me from the sink. He knew exactly what he was doing. “Just move, let me by. Just this once. I want to pay him back for everything.”

“Pi, let’s go for a walk or something,” Chuck grabbed my hand and tugged me away, “Ignore him. He’s a pain, sure, but fighting wont solve anything.”

I glared at David one more time before letting Chuck drag me from the room. David smirked, waving goodbye and shaking the last drop out of the scotch bottle.

I shuffled along the sidewalk, shoes skidding the pavement and kicking up gravel. It was bright outside, too bright for my throbbing head, so I’d had to turn back for my sun glasses. It took everything in me not to tackle David when I went through the door. Seb would have told me that my anger was from the lack of alcohol in my system, but I knew that it was more than that. Chuck walked beside me, hands deep in the pockets of his skate shorts.

“What did he do this time?” Chuck broke the silence.

“Acted like an idiot,” I answered.

“Other than that,” he sighed. I didn’t really know what to tell him. How could I explain the photos? David would probably show them to him and tell him it was my idea. What would I do then?

“Did a few things.” Was all I could think up.

“Pierre, I can’t kick his ass when no one’s watching if you don’t tell me what he did wrong!” Chuck’s eyebrows were furrowed in annoyance.

“You look really cute like that,” I laughed, passing my fingers over his forehead. “But don’t worry about David. I’ll take care of him.”

Chuck sighed, shaking his head slightly. “You’re not going to tell me, then?”

“I’ll take care of it,” I pushed his shoulder and he bumped me back. “Just trust me, ‘kay?”

“Fine,” he said, “Though, you need to promise me you’ll come to me if anything gets out of hand. You two can’t be beating each other up all the time, it’s not a great image for us.”

“Alright, I promise,” I smiled at him, letting my hand fall discreetly close to his. Chuck took my hint and grasped it firmly in his fingers. His touch sent a tingling feeling through me that I loved so much.

“What do you want to do tonight?” he asked, rubbing his thumb along my knuckles.

“I was thinking we could spend some time together, just you and me,”

Just living proof that the camera's lying (cont'd)

2008-05-04T15:43:48Z

Wont let me post it all at once. Too large. Here is the rest.

Chapter 5:

I woke up in his arms, feeling each of his light breaths as his chest pressed against my back with every exhale. His skin was soft and I could feel the strength beneath it, protecting over my own. I sighed and cuddled up closer into his embrace. His heartbeat was in time to mine and I started counting them. I whispered the numbers, not wanting to wake him. A voice tickled my ear, ‘eleven, twelve, thirteen...’. With a smile, I turned over, resting my head in the crook of his neck.

“Good morning,” I kissed his lips with only a few seconds hesitation.

Chuck placed a hand on my bare chest, right over my heart. I could feel it racing, and so could he.

“Good morning, love,” he brought his hand to stroke my face.

I tried to steady the rhythm of my heart, but it kept beating faster and faster. His touch sent thrills all through my body, and I could feel butterflies take flight in my stomach. It wasn’t a bad feeling- almost like falling when you know there’s someone below to catch you. I was just glad that he was my someone.

“Pi! Pi! Watch the road!” I snapped back into reality, panicking as a car headed straight towards us. Taking control of the wheel, I swerved back into the proper laneway as the driver in the other car swore loudly through his window and gave me the finger.

“What’s up with you? You’re going to get us into an accident!” Chuck’s eyes were wide and he was gripping his seat in fear. “At this rate, maybe I should be the one driving.”

“Well, you could, if you had your license,” I snapped. My fingers tightened on the steering wheel and I looked quickly over at Chuck. He was staring out his window with a strange expression on his face. My stomach clenched and I regretted how I spoke to him. How could I be such a jerk?

“Look, I’m sorry,” I said, “I shouldn’t have gotten angry like that. It’s my fault anyway. You asked if I could drive you, I should at least make the effort to get you there in one piece. I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now.”

“Like what?” he asked, only half sullen.

“You...you know...stuff,” I quickly covered.

“Like what?” he smirked now, teasing. I peeked at him again just to see the glow in his eyes, then turned back to the road.

“Um...well...”

“This is about that person you fell in love with, isn’t it?” Chuck shook his head with a grin. I jerked my hands nervously, swerving the car again. “You’re really wound up about them, aren’t you? I know you’re a bad driver, but you aren’t usually this crazy.”

I sent him a teasing scowl. “Hey, what do you know? Huh?” I shook my head and pretended to be in a huff.

“So who is it, Pi?” he asked, “Do I know them?”

“Ye- No.” ‘You idiot, Pierre,’ I thought, ‘Just shut up!’

“I know them, then,” Chuck nodded, “Come on. You know you can tell me.”

“No I can’t,” I said a little too quickly.

“Why not?” It was hard to tell whether he was concerned or teasing.

“Because-“

“I think I know.” My breath caught in my throat and I tried to choke it down. He knew?

“Wh-what?” I stammered.

“Oh, you know, with all that time you’ve been spending alone with David,” he rolled his eyes, “You guys act like a married couple.”

“What?! NO!” I glared and slapped him on the shoulder. “How could you even think like that? Me and David- yeah right!”

“Hey- calm down, man!” Chuck laughed, “I was just kidding.”

I muttered something and stared angrily at the road.

“What was that?” he asked.

“How could you possibly think that I liked David that way?” I fiddled with the stereo buttons, but couldn’t settle for a station. Silence filled the car for a few seconds. “I mean, of all people- David?”

“Don’t be so serious, Pierre! I was joking with you,” putting a hand on my arm, he tried to sooth me. I could feel my cheeks get warm and a smile couldn’t be hidden on my face. “Come on, let’s stop here.”

“Here?” looking around, all there was for miles was farm country.

“Yeah, there’s some kind of animal petting farm up at the next turn,” he grinned.

“Animal petting farm? Isn’t that for, like, little kids and families and stuff?” I laughed, but took the turn anyway.

“Not like there’s anything better to do anyway,” Chuck hopped out of the car when I stopped in front of the farm.

The farm wasn’t quite as empty as I thought it would be. There were about five families with their kids. A chicken scuttled by as it was chased by a screaming four year old. It seemed like there was every farm animal imaginable- chickens, cows, horses, goats, a dog, some cats, ducks, a rooster, pigs, sheep- even llamas. There were too many to count. A few farmers were going around giving hay rides, horse rides, or showing people how to milk a cow.

“’Afternoon, fellas,” a stereotypical farmer wearing overalls approached us, “Welcome to Meadowview Farms. Admission is three bucks a person, horse riding is five bucks each.”

“I don’t think we’ll be riding,” Chuck said, dishing out 6 dollars for the farmer. He walked away pocketing the money.

“I could have payed my own way,” I told Chuck, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“It was six dollars, Pi. Forget it,” he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the llamas.

I’d never payed that much attention to llamas before. They looked like a shaggy cross between a horse and a camel. There were seven in the pen, all of them different shades of brown, grey, white, black and some golden colour that looked way better when I saw it in Chuck’s eyes. Chuck leaned on the fence, petting one llama as another chewed on his shirt.

“That one likes you,” I pointed to the one slobbering on his shirt and laughed.

“What- you jealous?” he grinned and messed up the fur on the head of the llama he was petting. It stared at him with big black eyes, loving the attention.

“N-no,” I stammered, walking over to a black llama a few feet away from the ones Chuck was petting. It’s fur was thick and fluffy, and it’s eyes were near impossible to see against the colour of the fur.

“Hey, Chuck!” I called him over, “Look here! This one has a fringe.”

I pointed to the fur on its head, which was indeed covering one eye.

“Cool,” he came over to see, standing so close, our bodies were almost touching. “Nice! An emo llama!”

Chuck’s hand bumped mine as we both reached to pet the llama. I could feel my face turn red and I quickly moved out of his way.

“Inneresting creatures, them llamas,” a farmer came up behind us and I jumped in surprise.

“Uh, yeah,” I said, regretting how dumb I sounded.

“Pretty strange,” Chuck agreed, “Are these the most exotic animals you’ve got?”

“Well, if you’ll follow me, I’ll show you a stranger ‘un,” he beckoned us to one of the barns.

I wasn’t as fast as Chuck to follow the man.

“What’s up?” he asked, coming back to where I stood.

“He seems like a creepy guy to me,” I said, “I don’t really like the look of him.”

“He’s a farmer, Pi! They all look the same.” With that, he put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me towards the barn after the man. After that, I couldn’t resist.

There was a squabbling nose from inside the barn. It wasn’t as bright inside as out in the fields, but some light shone through the open barn doors and windows. It smelled funny, different from a regular farm animal smell. Something rustled from the corner of the room.

“Oh-my-god. Is that-?”

Chapter 6:

I was shaking with excitement and I wanted nothing more than to run up to the two tall creatures inside the pen.

“Holycrapholycrapholycrapholycrap!” I nearly squeeled, “You have EMUS?! Where did you get them?!”

The farmer laughed and waved us over to the emu enclosure. “Got ‘em last month. This one is June and the one sitting over there is Jacky.”

“They’re amazing! C-can I pet them?” I asked tentatively.

“I dun’ think that’s a good idea,” the farmer shook his head and pointed to the emu that was sitting. “Very protective. Norm’ly they don’t let people close this soon to hatching.”

“Hatching?” my hands were shaking, I was so excited.

“Too bad we didn’t come later then, huh, Pi?” Chuck asked nudging my shoulder, “We could have seen some baby emus.”

“We have to come back, Chuck!” turning to him, I looked into his eyes, “Please? We need to see them!”

“Hey, you’re the one with the car,” he smiled, “Drive out as much as you like.”

“They’ll be hatching pretty soon,” the farmer said, “Few days maybe.”

I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the giant birds. The one standing closest to us was nearly my height and the two of us were staring each other down in a staring contest. The emu was first to look away. When I turned to Chuck, I realized both him and the farmer had disappeared. Being so taken by the birds, I hadn’t heard them leave. I slumped into a sitting position next to the enclosure and imagined what it would be like to touch those feathers. Smiling, I thought it would be something like touching Chuck’s hair. Both seemed out of bounds, but looked so smooth and soft. I rested my chin on my hand and sighed. The other bird- Jacky- brought his head down to peak through the posts at me.

“Hey there, fella,” I said, holding my hand close, but not pasing my fingers through the bars. The bird made a funny noise at me and jerked away.

“Pierre!” Chuck called from the barn door, “Let’s check out the goats or something.”

Taking one more look at the emus, I waved goodbye.

“See you around, guys,” I whispered.

“Those were quite the birds,” Chuck said at lunch, “Huge! And that goat wouldn’t stop bashing into me- I still don’t understand what his problem was.”

“Amazing,” was all I could say.

“You going to eat those?” he pointed to the heap of fries on my plate. I wasn’t really hungry, so I held one up for him.

“Go ahead,” I grinned, “Take it.”

“If you say so,” Chuck leaned over the table and snatched the fry into his mouth from my fingers. His lips only touched my fingers for under a second, but it still sent shivers down my body.

“What’s with that look,” he said after he swallowed, “You’re looking at me funny.”

“Oh-nothing,” I grabbed a menu and opened it, covering my red face. Sometimes I worried that I made my feelings too obvious- but, then again, Chuck still didn’t know how I felt about him.

“Are you turning red?” Chuck laughed, “My gosh, Pi, you’re blushing like crazy!”

“Am not!” I sunk low in my seat, pulling the menu closer to my face.

“Are too.” The menu was yanked out of my hands and tossed to the side.

I did the first thing that came to mind. Throwing down some money for lunch, I got up and ran out of the restaurant. Twice in one day- that had to be a record for me. We were in one of those lunch places just off the highway- the ones that are the only thing around for miles. I ditched the car and the restaurant and started walking along the path next to the road. A few cars honked at me to get out of the way, but other than that, it was pretty quiet. Kicking a rock, I followed it off the path and into the forested area next to the highway.

“Why do you have to be so fucking stupid?” I asked myself, kicking the rock harder and further. “Why can’t you just tell him? Why don’t you just stop being a coward? Why don’t you just stop running and start letting other people in on how you’re feeling? I’m an ass. He doesn’t deserve me.”

“You-damn-IDIOT!” someone panted behind me, “Do you know you just tossed forty bucks down for a plate of fries? Jeez, Pi, calm down! Why do you keep running away?”

“What do you mean?” I stopped in my tracks, trying to remember whether Chuck was around when I ran in the morning. “You were asleep! How do you know-“

“I’m not as much as a dumbass as you think I am,” he said, slowing down to a walk beside me.

“I don’t think you’re a dumbass,” I mumbled, staring at the ground.

“Then why won’t you just look at me!” Chuck grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him. “I’ve known you for how long, Pierre Bouvier? How long? You think you can hide things like this from me? Come on.”

“I’m not hid-“ I started.

“I know you’re lying,” he shook his head, disappointment clear in his eyes. “Just tell me.”

“What do you want me to say?” tears were pricking the backs of my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall.

Gripping my arms tight, Chuck pulled me so close our bodies were pressed together and I could feel his breath on my face. His lips crashed against mine, warm and sweet. I sighed and kissed him back, allowing him to hold me even closer.

“I love you, Pi,” he said when we parted.

“I-I love you too.”

We stared at each other awkwardly for a while, neither one of us knowing what to say after that. I think it was Chuck who moved first. Taking my hand, he led me further into the semi-wooded area. There was a little pond up ahead and we sat on the grassy bank beside it. I threw a pebble into the pond, watching the ripples pool outwards and a frog jump below the surface.

“How long?” I asked. “How long have you known how I’ve felt?”

“Before you started drinking,” Chuck pulled at the grass around him, “Quite a while, actually. Few months. I guess around the time I borrowed your laptop. Went through a few pages from your history out of curiosity. Started noticing small signs after that.”

“Oh God,” I banged my head on my knees a few times, “You read those? Oh crap oh crap oh crap.”

He laughed a bit then, stroking his fingers through my hair. “They were pretty creative, if you ask me. You’re not a bad writer.”

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” I hit my head against my knees some more, closing my eyes so I wouldn’t see the look on Chuck’s face. I finally stopped, resting my head between my knees instead. “How much did you read?” I mumbled.

“Kept myself posted,” he answered. ‘Every single one’ was what I translated.

I wasn’t sure whether to be frustrated out of my mind, calm because now Chuck knew exactly how I felt, or go into a complete breakdown.

“Look, Pi, you don’t need to worry about it,” he wrapped an arm around me, “Really, okay? It doesn’t matter.”

I snuffled something incoherent and shook my head. I didn’t know that tears were leaking out of my eyes until they started dripping down my nose and chin. Rubbing my face on my knee, I tried to wipe it all away, tried to cover up how I felt. Chuck had no idea how much I’d written was actually how I felt about him- even how I’d dreamed of us being together. He couldn’t possibly know all that. He probably didn’t even take it seriously.

“You know, I was nearly thinking of writing one of those fictions too,” Chuck moved to sit closer to me, until our legs were touching. “It would have made it so much easier to tell you how much you mean to me. But you probably would have thought it was just some 16-year-old girl with nothing better to do. There wouldn’t have been a point.”

I shrugged. “Why didn’t I see it?” I mumbled, “Why couldn’t I tell you liked me? I’m such an idiot.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to notice either if I hadn’t found your story,” Chuck laughed, “I was completely blind before then. But I had to snap out of it and do something after you started drinking all the time. And when you said you were in love, I knew it was my fault.”

I finally raised my head and looked at him. “It wasn’t your fault!” I said after wiping away my tears.

“Whoever’s fault it was, it doesn’t matter anymore, right?” Chuck kissed my wet cheek, “Now I know how you feel and you know how I feel. Everything should be better now. You’re my Pierre and I don’t need to be ashamed to say it anymore.”

I kissed him back, still hesitant, but feeling better than I ever had before. It was like I just dropped into a fan fiction, dragging Chuck in behind me. It wasn’t a bad feeling, though- it could nearly have been the best feeling in the world. Actually being in his arms- that was the best feeling.

Chapter 7:

SimpleGurl: Post more! Post more! Come on... : ( You haven’t even written about them having s*x yet!!!

UntitledLover: Where are you? Why aren’t you updating?

SPFAN: UPDATE!!!! PLEASE????

RoleLedoM: I’m not going to post anymore.

SimpleGurl: Why? Come on! This is a great story!

RoleLedoM: I’ve found something better.

SPFAN: WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN THIS? DON’T DITCH US!

UntitledLover: ^ Can you write in something other than caps, plz?

RoleLedoM: Real life is better. I don’t feel like faking anymore.

SimpleGurl: Faking? It’s just a ffic. And we’re waiting! Updates soon?

RoleLedoM: We’ll see.

“When did you tell him?” David was plucking at his bass, tuning the strings with one hand. He flicked the loose strands of hair out of his face and stood up, stretching his arms into the air.

“What are you talking about?” I played dumb, striking a few chords on my acoustic to the tune of ‘When I’m Gone’.

“You told Chuck about your stupid stories. You know the ones I’m talking about,” David played a few notes along with me and then fell silent. I just ignored him some more, playing my guitar and singing softly. It was none of his business after all.

“Don’t leave me hanging here, Pi,” David grabbed my hat off of my head and danced away as I tried to snatch it back.

“Is that the only thing you know how to do?” I rolled my eyes, “Take things from me and then expect something meaningful in return? Jeez...”

He sighed and threw it back, watching it hit my turned head and plunk to the ground. In less than a moment he was nearly on the floor in a fit of laughter. I looked at him and then at the hat, a smile tugging the corners of my mouth.

“I’m going to get you for that, Desrosiers,” I growled. It was hard to seem pissed off when you couldn’t help grinning yourself. It didn’t take long for me to start laughing along with him. That was the thing with David, he could make you want to kill him and then have you smiling within moments of each other.

“Now when did you tell him?” he sidled up next to me on the couch, leaning his bass one the edge of the seat.

‘Very manipulative,’ I noted. Though, I had to admit, he was trying really hard to get me to talk to him.

“Come on.” There was a hint of a whine in his voice now, and he was pouting slightly.

“You always need to be first to know, don’t you?” I joked, “Figure it out on your own.”

“Don’t be so mean. Please tell me?”

“I’m not going to crack so easy, David,” I attempted, and failed, at keeping my face stone cold. “Try harder.”

He made some humming noises to himself, a look of complete pensiveness on his face. His eyebrows were furrowed up and he tapped a thoughtful finger.

I laughed at his ridiculous expression. “I should get a picture of this!” I joked. “David Desrosiers stumped. Wouldn’t that be funny?”

If I hadn’t turned back to my guitar at that very moment, I wouldn’t have missed the sly glance he shot my way. I could feel him fumble a bit on the couch beside me, but I took it as nothing more than David being David. He was always moving around, hyperactive chipmunk that he was.

“Hey, Pierre?” he asked, pushing even closer to me on the couch.

“What do you want now?” My voice was filled with irritation as I turned to him.

“Smile.”

With that, he pulled my face to his with one hand, pressing his lips harshly to mine. There was a series of clicks and flashes and then he jumped away, giggling like a little girl. David had his camera phone clenched tightly in his hand as he stepped further away from me. I yanked the guitar strap off from around my shoulder, and advanced on him. My face was burning, and I wasn’t quite sure whether it was from embarassment or anger.

“Get rid of those NOW!” I glared at him.

“Get rid of what?” he kidded.

“Those pictures! Get rid of them!” There was a table in between us and when I tried to go around one way, he’d move the other. I took a frustrated step onto the table, scattering the things on it in all directions. David skipped away with a laugh.

“I’ll get rid of them if you tell me when you told Chuck about your stories,” he back away quickly as I jumped from the table.

“I didn’t tell him about them!” I growled. “Now delete those pictures!”

“I don’t believe you,” there was a puzzled look on his face now. “If you didn’t and the rest of us didn’t, then how did he find out?”

My mouth was open to answer when Seb shoved through the door.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” he said, ignorant of the scene playing out in front of him. He grabbed his own guitar and strummed some completely out of tune chords.

“Nothing,” I answered, “Just David being a dick.”

Seb laughed like I was joking around. I was surprised that he was so oblivious to my majorly pissed off expression, but I guess he just took it as David acting like an idiot. He did that all the time, that was no surprise.

David took the opportunity to edge over to the door and dash out. I ran after him, dashing out the door and bashing hard into someone trying to enter. I fell back onto my ass with my head crashing against the doorframe with a loud ‘whack’. Pain split through my head like a bad migraine.

“Fuck, that hurts! Ow, ow,ow,” I touched the back of my head lightly and grimaced. “Dumb little shit, I’m going to get him for that. Ow.”

“Hey, you okay, Pierre?” Chuck knelt beside me, concern evident in his eyes. He’d gotten the better end of the fall, not having anything behind him to hit against.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just fine,” I closed my eyes in pain. It felt worse than any headache I’d gotten when I had a hangover, and I’d experienced some pretty bad ones. “But I swear I will kick David’s scrawny little ass when I find him.”

My SP fic up until now...

2008-05-04T15:39:04Z

Call me paranoid, I don't really care. But if you had a comp. with hard drives as old as mine, you'd be just as worried. It could crap out on me any day, whether it be this week, today, or in 6 months. So, not wanting to lose this fan fiction, I'm going to post all I have up until now, even the chapter I have yet to finish completely. If you want to read it, go ahead. It is slashy, if that suits you. Enjoy or ignore.

Chapter 1:

“I want you,” he told me, reaching out to hold my hand. “I’ve wanted to tell you for the longest time. I think I love you.”

I pulled away, shocked into silence. Voices of reason thundered through my head, all of them telling me that this couldn’t be. He couldn’t really mean it. After what seemed like forever, I looked back into his eyes. I’d seen him lie before. I knew all of his expressions down to the last detail, and he was not lying to me. His absolute honesty filled me with a feeling I couldn’t describe.

In a rush of movement, I took his hand in mine and pulled him close. Pressing his lips against my own, all I could think about was how I wished I could have worked up the courage to say his very words. I’d never felt so nervous in all my life. This was it. This was the moment.

“I-I think I love you too, Chuck.”

“Hey! Hey, Pierre, what’s that you’re writing?” David hopped onto the couch beside me. “Not those forums again. What’s up with you and those, huh? It’s all just a big joke.”

A warmth crept up the back of my neck, but David didn’t pay any attention.

“What was it you were writing?” he asked, “A story about some love affair between the guys in the band?”

I shot him a look. “Shut up!”

“Heh, I’m just kidding you, Pierre, that stuff is all a load of crap anyway. Sick stuff the fans write for a laugh or whatever,” he smiled and shook his head, “You know, I once read something about me and you making out backstage- like that would ever happen!”

I managed to laugh along with him, quickly closing the forum window on my laptop in the process.

“You’re not my type anyway,” he jumped over the back of the couch and headed to the fridge for a beer. I just rolled my eyes. What a tease.

“You want to play some Guitar Hero?” I tried to change the subject. I got up and turned the X-Box on anyway, knowing he probably wouldn’t pass up the offer.

“Yeah, sure. Might as well.” He set down two bottles of beer on the table. “I’m so going to own you, you know.”

“Whatever.”

We played for a good half hour before I gave up. I just didn’t have it in me. My mind kept on wandering back to the story. It all seemed like a dream. The music from the game made screeching noises as I fumbled, and David shook his head.

“Man, you’re not even watching the screen!” he pushed my face back in the direction of the TV, averting my gaze from the window. “What’s with you, Pi? You’re all spacey.”

“I dunno,” I mumbled, finally hitting a few notes, “Just tired, I guess. And nervous for the concert coming up.”

“Sure, sure.” I could tell he didn’t believe me. It wasn’t usually me that worried about our shows, that was normally Chuck’s thing. “You want to jam later? That might take your mind off the nerves.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I told him. “Maybe later this afternoon or something.”

“’Kay,” he nodded, now firmly directing his attention at the TV as he max combo-ed his current song. “Awesome! You see that?! High score! High score! Ownage, man. Pure ownage right there.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I pulled myself up from the couch and shuffled towards the fridge, “You want another beer?”

David gave me a funny look that I couldn’t quite figure out. I think it had to do with my drinking habits, which had gotten a lot more frequent in the past few weeks.

“Nah, I’ll pass.” He selected the single player mode on the game and started acing ‘Cliffs of Dover’.

The beer sizzled as I popped off the cap. Half way through the bottle, I started getting a comforting buzz in my head. It took the edge away from my mixed feelings and made me forget for a few seconds why I was so out of it.

A car door slammed from the driveway. ‘Oh, that’s why.’ I remembered.

Two guys stumbled through the front door, laughing and pulling off their sunglasses.

“Oh, Pierre, you just HAD to go see that movie with us!” Jeff kicked away his shoes and grabbed the spare Guitar Hero controller from beside David. “Friggin hilarious.”

“Yeah, like that part with the guy and the gunfight with the bad guy! Holy crap that was good,” Chuck wandered into the kitchen with a huge smile. He gave me a wave and then bent down for a look in the fridge. Pretty graceful, for a drummer. Pushing around a few cans and bottles, he couldn’t seem to make up his mind on what he wanted. I leaned against the counter and watched him search.

“We gotta go shopping soon,” he muttered to himself, “Nothing good in here.”

I nodded, but he wasn’t watching.

“I was planning on going out some time,” I told him, “Want to come?”

I hoped Chuck didn’t hear the nervousness creep into my voice. He stood back up and closed the fridge.

“Sure,” he shrugged, “But you’ll have to drive.”

“No trouble there,” I smiled, but when I made my way back to the living room, I had a hard time keeping a straight pace. I swayed to and fro, finally gripping the back of a couch for support.

“Hey, you alright?” Chuck asked, “Jeez, Pi, you been drinking again?”

“I only gave him one beer!” David attempted in defense of his situation, “This isn’t my fault. I didn’t know how much he drank before that! I just got up a while ago!”

“It’s 2:30 in the afternoon!” Jeff rolled his eyes.

“Duh, exactly,” was David’s response.

Chuck came up beside me, ready to give me support if I fell down.

“How much did you drink?” he asked quietly.

I shook my head. I honestly couldn’t remember. My head buzzed nicely and I felt good, but the look of concern on Chuck’s face made me wonder just how bad I looked.

“You didn’t sleep again,” he said for only me to hear. I looked up, shocked. I had no clue that anyone knew I hadn’t been sleeping lately. But Chuck was more aware of that kind of thing, he’d always been that way. He grabbed my arm. “Come on, you need to go to bed.”

Chuck half dragged me to my room, as I struggled to remain upright on my own.

“I’m sorry,” I slurred, “Didn’t mean it to get this way.”

He nodded with what I hoped was understanding. ‘God, his eyes are beautiful’ was all I could think. But they looked better when he was happy, and something told me he wasn’t the smiling guy he was a few minutes ago. Chuck lifted me onto the bed. I almost laughed at that. Finally, he got to use all that muscle he built up working out at the gym all year. I could still beat him in a fight, though.

“Night, Pi,” he stood up and shut off the lights, “You sleep this off. You’ll have hell to pay later.”

I grimaced at his words. Too many early mornings with hangovers did that to you. You knew what was coming. It wouldn’t be good. But secretly I smiled, filled with happiness knowing that he did care about me. I just wished it wasn’t only in a friend way- but that was only fiction, right?

Chapter 2:

I woke up late into the night- or perhaps very, very early in the morning- with a massive migraine and a stomach full of sick. There wasn’t any surprise there, but I groaned anyway and tried to drag myself out of bed. This turned out to be a lot harder than I expected. The floor seemed to spin when I looked down at it, but I couldn’t walk without falling if I didn’t. Blood pounded in my skull. Eventually, I just clamped my mouth closed and pushed myself up, quickly bracing myself against the wall. I did my best to rush to the bathroom, but it turned out to be a slow shuffle. The house was dark, and I expected that the guys were out bowling or partying. Knowing them, they’d be doing both.

The bathroom flooded with light as I flicked the switch. A sharp pain stabbed into my head, but I tried to ignore it. Two feet more and I could get the terrible alcohol out of my system. Two feet seemed like two miles at that point. I dropped to my knees and did the best to make whatever mess I was about to make a clean one. I think I’d gotten quite good at it by then. Having that many hangovers in the past few weeks had made me an expert at it, but that wasn’t much to be proud of.

When I finished, I leaned back and dropped onto my butt. I had my back to the wall and it was soothing to close my eyes for a few minutes alone and sit in silence. I was pretty sure that it was still dark out, and I assumed the guys would be home hours later. It was amazing how quiet the house was without David around- he could be a bit of a loudmouth sometimes. I yawned loudly, stretching and reaching for a towel hanging from the rack above me. I gripped the dry, fuzzy material and yanked it down. I wasn’t in the mood to go back to bed, and I didn’t really know how I’d be feeling if I got up again, so I wrapped the towel around my shoulders as a blanket and closed my eyes. I didn’t expect to fall asleep, especially since I did before, but it was easier to block out the light.

Something smashed. The noise echoed down the hallway along with a few cuss words. So someone else was home. It sounded like they were doing the dishes; a tap started running and I could hear plates clinking together. ‘Who would be crazy enough to do dishes this early in the morning?’ I wondered. It must have only been 2:30 AM at the earliest, and I didn’t think it was much later than that. Well, if I was a cat I’d be dead, but the worst that could happen to abate my curiousity would be another heave down the drain. I didn’t like the thought of that, but it was 2:30 in the morning and I could care less.

Using the counter, I pulled myself to my feet, and shut my eyes as my head swam. My stomach growled angrily and I knew my body was punishing me for drinking so much. I just wasn’t used to it. Getting blasted had never been my thing before, but now it seemed like the only option. I felt better about myself when I was drunk- not afterwards, mind- but while I was drunk I wasn’t that loser who could never get with the guy he loved. I felt cool. That was something I couldn’t get anymore, I just wasn’t cool. I hated myself because of it, but I hated hangovers too.

The light from the kitchen at the end of the hallway had never felt so welcoming. It could have been a stranger who broke into my house to do the dishes and I wouldn’t care. I just wanted to sit down with a good, cold glass of vodk- NO, I meant water. My mouth was parched and sour and my tongue felt rough. My mind wanted the buzz of alcohol again, but I knew that would only make things worse. I pushed through the doorway into the kitchen and slumped into a chair at the table. I didn’t bother looking at the person cleaning up the broken glass on the floor. I’d started feeling dizzy again, and I lay my head down on the tabletop, my hands clasping onto my pounding head. It was one of the worst migraines I had ever gotten, now made even more so from all the moving around the house.

“Sorry ‘bout the glass,” a voice broke through the thudding in my head. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“Wassup,” I coughed, gagging at the acidy taste in the back of my throat.

I heard the tap turn on again and then off. “Here, take this.”

I cracked open one eye to see a glass of water and a few aspirins set on the table beside me. I didn’t want to look any further than that, even though something inside me longed to. Some thought had told me Chuck would stay while the others went out, I just wasn’t sure I wanted to believe it. I downed the glass and the pills in a few steady gulps.

“You look terrible, Pierre,” I knew Chuck was staring at me, but I didn’t bother meeting his eyes. “You really shouldn’t be drinking like this. I sound like an asshole saying it, but, even for the fans, you’ve got to quit it. What ever happened to ‘Untitled’ and supporting M.A.D.D.?”

I didn’t say anything. He was right, of course. We had a lot of support from younger fans, and our song, ‘Untitled’, was basically an ad against drunk driving. It wasn’t good for kids to look up to someone with an alcohol abuse problem.

“The other guys weren’t really sure how to say it before, they like to party too, but it’s gone too far. You never used to be a heavy drinker, Pi. What happened?” I could tell he was genuinely concerned for me, but the thought of spilling everything to him had my heart racing.

“I just dunno anymore,” I mumbled, “I want to stop-“

“Something’s gotten into you,” Chuck commented as he pulled up a chair across from me. “What is it? You know I’ll help you out.”

“I don’t think you can help me with this...”

“Why not?” he sounded worried now, “Look, Pi, if you’re in some kind of trouble, we’ll get you out of it. Is something wrong at home, or is it-“

“It’s nothing,” my chest ached saying it, “Really, I’m fine.”

“You’re lying, Pi,” he shook his head, “Don’t think I can’t tell.”

I groaned and thumped my head against the table, sheltering my face with my crossed arms. I mumbled something incoherent and hoped he didn’t hear me.

“What was that?” he asked.

I peeked out from the folds of my arms and stared up at him with bloodshot, tired, and lovesick eyes.

“I think I’ve fallen in love,” I told him.

Chapter 3:

We went shopping today,just me and him. People gave us sidelong glances as we passed by. His hand felt coarse and caloused against my own. I grinned. ‘That’s my drummer boy,’ I thought, squeezing his hand. Everything had gone perfectly; no screaming fans, no confrontations, heck- there hadn’t even been traffic. I’d never felt so free in my entire life.

In the car, hands at twelve and nothing, I drove with my Chuck beside me. All I wanted was to pull over and hold him close, feel him in my arms, but at the moment, I was content to shoot him longing looks at every stoplight.

“Pierre,” he said- God I loved hearing his voice, “I have an idea.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Oh,” I smirked, “What do you have in mind?”

He shook his head and laughed, “Not that kind of idea.”

I mimicked a disappointed face, but I could care less what we were doing as long as I was with him.

“So...what were you thinking?” I asked.

“Turn left.”

Well, that’s how I wanted my day to go. I wanted to spend every minute with Chuck, just being with him and listening to him, and holding him. That was all I wanted, but with how it was going these days, I wasn’t much into telling others what I wanted. I’d told Chuck I thought I’d fallen in love, and he seemed relieved. He probably thought someone had died and I had kept it to myself. Not too many questions were asked, and I didn’t really answer most of them. I made it seem like I was tired and my head still hurt. Really, I didn’t feel nearly so hungover, but I didn’t let him know that. We sat on the couch in the living room together for a while, each asking every few minutes what the other thought was on TV at that time. Neither of us bothered to reach for the remote. It was 3:40 AM exactly when Chuck slumped over on the arm of the couch and fell asleep. For the next 23 minutes, all I could do was watch him breathe.

It wasn’t long before I picked up my laptop from the coffee table and began to write. Maybe it was the inspiration in the room or the availability of something to do or my addiction to forum browsing. Whatever it was, I went on and poured my soul out to anonymous fans all over the world and they didn’t have a clue. I got lots of replies, all from fangirls wanting more- no doubt wanting to read something a little explicit in the story. I couldn’t write that, so I ignored them all and did some more browsing of my own. Apparently, in other stories, David and I had gotten married and adopted a kid, Seb and Chuck were having oral sex, and Jeff and some random camera man were doing the wild thing after one of our shows. It was amazing how crazy these posts were becoming. Soon we’d be doing it while skydiving or start divorcing each other and arguing over who got to keep the furnature. They had to run out of ideas some time, though, it was hard to tell when that would happen.

I was half-way through a post when I started to drift off. It hadn’t been easy to sleep in the past few weeks, but the presence of Chuck’s light breathing soothed me and I found it hard to keep my eyes open. I wanted to drift asleep on top of him, but I began leaning the other way. Before I could change positions, I was out like a light.

“We watched the sunset together,” someone laughed, “Sitting on a grassy ledge of a cliff face, we saw the sky change colours. I nearly jumped as his arm wrapped around me and my heart beat rapid fire. Leaning into him, I smiled, finally knowing what it was like to be truly loved.”

“Keep reading, keep reading,” another urged, “This is hilarious!”

“His eyes reflected the dark orange of the sun, his face shadowed by the coming darkness. I didn’t bother to hold myself back. Kissing him, I pulled his body closer. Locked in our embrace, I didn’t ever want to let him go.”

“Man, that’s deep,” someone joked, “You sure that was him writing it?”

“Come on, RoleLedoM? That’s him.”

My eyes snapped open. There was David, Seb and Jeff all huddled around my laptop on the other couch, scrolling down and grinning like cats. I jumped to my feet, stumbling over the coffeetable to grab my computer from David’s grasp. He pulled away, shocked, holding the laptop over his head.

“Woah, man, jeez, calm down!” David smirked.

I tried to grab my laptop again, but he held it higher.

“Give it to me, you ass!” I glared at him and tried to swipe it.

Seb and Jeff didn’t quite know how to react. They just sat there, not sure whether to laugh or look shocked.

“Shh Shhh,” David put a finger to his lips, “You wouldn’t want to wake him, would you?”

I turned to Chuck in panic, expecting to see him up and questioning, but he just rolled over and continued snoring quietly.

“Give me my laptop,” I hissed, “Right now!”

“Or what?” he laughed.

My fist tightened. I’d never wanted to hit someone so bad in my entire life. David was annoying, but he’d never gone this far. I shook my head and loosened my grip.

“I’ve got an idea,” David shut the window on my laptop and closed it up, “I’ll give you your computer back if you quit drinking.”

“I’ve got a better idea,” I growled, “You give me back my computer or I’ll kick your ass.”

“Hey, that’s going too far, Pierre,” Jeff cut in, “We’re not asking much.”

“You’re going over the top!” said Sebastien, “This is crazy. Just stop getting so drunk. You don’t have to stop completely, just don’t drink so much.”

They all nodded. The odds were against me. If I started in on David, they’d all be on me. I couldn’t win a fight three against one.

“Fuck it,” I turned and walked to the door. Slamming my feet into my shoes, I heaved the door open and took off down the street. If they were going to tell Chuck about my stories online, they would anyway. It wouldn’t do much for me to argue with them. It was my fault. I should have closed down my computer before I started to drift off. If they hadn’t found it on, they wouldn’t have been so curious about what I was writing. Knowing David, the secret couldn’t be kept quiet for long.

Chapter 4:

A can cluttered down the street. One, two, three, four steps and it was flying forward again. Four steps more and I aimed another hard blow. Each time, I felt myself get more and more distant from what just happened and more and more intent on sending the pop can flying. Thoughts kept flooding in of how much I needed a drink right then. But I was blocks away from the house, and I wasn’t planning on going back any time soon. Birds chirped from a nearby tree and a light wind whistled through the trees. There was a park with swings just up the street- the one that was always deserted unless a gang had no better place to vandalize. In our neighbourhood, there weren’t too many kids around, but older teens clumped in large groups, long outgrown the playground.

A lone swing screeched back and forth. The one that used to be beside it was gone and another was wrapped so many times around the top pole that it was nearly impossible to get down without a ladder. I sat down and kicked at the sand. I swung slowly back and forth, looking down and then looking up to the sky.

There was always the risk of someone I knew reading what I wrote online, I just hoped it would never happen. I’d spent too much time on the forums, though. It had seemed pretty obvious that I was up to something. I should have hid it better.

A car door slammed from the street across from the park and someone ran towards the swing set. They stood beside the swing as I went up, higher and higher. I knew they were there, but I ignored them. I didn’t want to talk to him.

“Look, Pierre, I’m sorry, okay?” David shuffled and shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “I shouldn’t have read your stuff. But I meant what I said about the drinking thing. You need to stop. We’ll just stop buying booze for a while or something. We’ll all just slow down on the drinking- the whole band, okay?”

“You’re a real jerk, you know that, David?” I glared, “A real asshole. You want to know why I’ve been drinking? Whatever, who cares anyway? You’ve probably already told Chuck.”

“Hey, hey- wait a second here!” he shook his head, “I haven’t told him anything. I’ve been driving around looking for you after you took off! Seb and Jeff won’t say anything. Jeez, Pi, don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about it?!” I slammed my feet into the sand and jerked the swing to a halt, “Don’t worry about it? You just don’t get it, do you? Those things I write aren’t just crap, okay? They’re not. I really like him and you might have just ruined that.”

“I said I’m sorry. I’m not going to tell him anything, I promise,” he grabbed one of the chains of my swaying swing. “Hey, Pi, it’s alright if you’re gay. There’s nothing wrong with that. The band isn’t going to freak and split up because of it, alright? That’s not going to happen. I’m sure Chuck would understand too.”

I stared at the sand, “I’m not ready to tell him yet.”

“Then I wont say a word,” he promised again.

“Good,” I nodded, “because if you did, you’d be dead, David Desrosiers, you hear me?”

“I hear you, Pi,” he smiled. “You coming back with me? I’ll make breakfast.”

“You? Making breakfast?” I shuddered. “Forget it. I’ll make us all pancakes.”

The drive back home was reasonably quiet; there wasn’t too much to say. I turned the radio up for a while, getting lost in the music for a few moments, but it really wasn’t that long before we got back. David jumped out of the car and was about to run up to the doorway when he realized that I hadn’t moved. I just sat in my seat, wondering how much Jeff and Sebastien could have told Chuck in the time I was away. Growing impatient, David opened my door and pulled me out of the car.

“No one has said anything,” he hissed, “Just come inside.”

I complied, following him into the house and kicking off my shoes. Right away, I made a beeline for the kitchen with Seb trailing behind me. He’d be full of more promises, I imagined, but it was impossible to keep something like that secret for so long. One of the three would spill the beans. I grabbed a bowl and the ingredients for pancakes out of the cupboard, measuring parts of flour and eggs into the mix.

“Hey, Pi-“

“I know what you’re going to say,” I told Seb, “I’ve known you guys for a long time, okay? But that still doesn’t change this. You’ve probably either told Chuck everything already or will soon. I get it. Just leave me alone.”

“I was actually just going to ask if you wanted me to heat the pan on the stove,” he smiled.

“Oh,” I was shocked at the change of conversation. I still had thoughts of what had happened flowing through my head and he was just trying to be helpful. “Um, sure, that would help a lot. Thanks.”

“No problem,” he turned on the stove and placed the pan on top of the burner. “If you knew us all so well, then you’d know we would never say things that would hurt you, Pierre.”

I looked down into the pancake mix I was stirring. It was thick and runny with a few bubbles rising to the top. I nodded slightly, but wasn’t sure if Seb noticed.

“Where is he?” I asked.

“Where’s who?” a voice asked from behind me. “Mmmmm pancakes. That looks great, Pi, but I think you’re missing something.”

“Huh?” I turned to see Chuck, “W-what do you mean?”

“Chocolate.”

He then proceeded to dump nearly a whole bag of chocolate chips into the pancake batter, making it even thicker than before.

“Perfect,” he said, grabbing a few extra pieces and munching them happily.

I just stood in surprise for a few moments before I realized the stove was probably hot enough to cook the pancakes and I brought the bowl over to it.

“Where did you get those chocolate chips?” I asked, “I could have sworn we were out.”

“Shh,” Chuck held a finger to his lips, “They’re from David’s secret stash.”

“Aw, man, he’s going to be so pissed!” Seb took out a few plates from the cupboard. “You know he’s going to notice.”

“Not right away, he isn’t,” said Chuck through a mouthful of more chocolate.

“Come on! You know David and his choc-“

“WHO THE HELL STOLE MY CHOCOLATE?!” David ran into the room with a black cardboard box. “It’s gone! We’ve been broken into, guys, someone call the cops.”

“A robber wouldn’t steal your chocolate, dumbass. The TV is still here, isn’t it?” I asked, grabbing the nearly empty bag from Chuck and shoving it into a drawer.

“THE TV? THEY TOOK THE TV TOO?” as he pushed passed us, we tried to hold in our laughter. Chuck was first to collapse.

“Nice one, Pi!” he came up behind me and put an arm around my shoulder. “That was hilarious.”

I shivered at his touch and laughed nervously, spilling a bit of the pancake mix on the counter as I tried to pour some into the pan. Three pancakes fit into the pan each time I poured. I’d flip them as soon as the bottoms were a golden brown- the same colour as Chuck’s eyes. When it came to using up the last of the mix, I poured the rest into a huge pancake, covering the top of the pan. I tossed it on a plate when it was done.

“Here, Chuck, this one’s for you,” I handed him the plate, “Extra chocolate.”

“Nice, thanks,” he said before taking the plate and digging into the hot pancake.

David was grumbling when he came into the kitchen. I guessed he’d found out the TV hadn’t been taken and that the smell of chocolate had given him the answer as to where his stash went.

“Hey, we’ve got some pancakes for you,” Seb held him up a plate, “You want some?”

David muttered something and stared at the plate. I poured him a glass of chocolate milk and that seemed to cheer him up. Jeff came in a while later and had some breakfast too. I didn’t bother starting into mine until I’d cleaned all the dishes, and by that time everyone else had gone their own way.

“Need some help with those?” Chuck said, grabbing the last pan and drying it.

I nodded my thanks and finally sat down with my food. Eating the still warm pancakes, I noticed that Chuck was drying the pan a lot slower than usual.

“Hey, I was just wondering if you want to hang out or something today,” he finally put the dry pan into the cupboard, “I’m not sure what the others are doing, but I think they’re getting tired of driving me around.”

“Sure,” I smiled. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad day after all.

Guitar strings sing me a lullaby

2008-05-03T16:00:21Z

Panic tickets have finally come in the mail
and I think I'm the happiest person on earth.
Memories last longer than photographs, but can't stand on empty shelves.
Dust cluttered thoughts of when and where,
No longer just momentum.
Fast, beating, flashes, breathing.
Forward in time. And back.
Here and now.
Thinking of soon to bes.
Daydreams of what is to come.

It's going to rain today. The sky is all dark. Though, at least I wont have to walk home in the rain. I feel so happy thinking of tonight and seeing my best friend. We don't get to see each other as often, but I still consider her such. We're going to a musical.
It's weird. We're both seeing each other's favourite concerts. But they are also our own favourites. Me to Panic, her to Simple Plan. Strange how it goes. I think we'll pick t-shirts up for each other.

I wanted to wear my sunglasses, but it's just not the right time- and temperature.

I can't help but smile when I hear 'That Green Gentleman'. Things have changed for me.

Things are shaping up to be pretty. odd.

2008-05-02T21:16:10Z

Just saw the music video for 'That Green Gentleman' and I must say that it is amazing. They've definitely chosen a wonderful director. The themes and concepts are spectacular and shown in a very artistic way. I suggest people watch it. I'm glad I did.

Feathers fluttering in space and time like a rain scene in slow motion
Oceans of birds and pillow stuffings
Fluffy and grey
Make this day extraordinary
Cordially, this invitation may bring me to a halt
Altering what was said earlier and transferring you into a sea of madness
Nestling in a warm bed
Soft sighs, lullabies, and farewells
Greet you in the darkness
And the walls sway goodnight.

I got interviewed by a loony today. I don't think I've ever met someone so flamboyant and hyperactive. It was near scary.

Tonight will be wonderful. I can feel it.

Couting days

2008-05-02T00:13:03Z

Set displays,
I'm in a maze
Of invisible walls.

I think I did just about everything wrong for my first shot posting my SP fic here, but I wasn't sure how it worked. I think I might have it down now. If you're interested, take a read. slashypunkboys community.

I should do some guitar. I still need to write some lyrics for a ballad, but a story still hasn't caught up with me yet. I've got some great ideas for presentation and art and just about everything that doesn't have to do with words.
I think I might be a little paranoid about people judging it.

Maybe I'll edit some slam poetry instead.

Peace out.

Just Living Proof That The Camera Is Lying (CH:1)

2008-05-01T22:40:41Z

Title: Just Living Proof That The Camera Is Lying
Author: RoleLedoM
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Pierre Bouvier and Chuck Comeau of Simple Plan.
POV: 1st, Pierre's
Summary: He nodded with what I hoped was understanding. ‘God, his eyes are beautiful’ was all I could think. But they looked better when he was happy, and something told me he wasn’t the smiling guy he was a few minutes ago.
Disclaimer: This is not real, and did not happen.
Author's Notes: My first Simple Plan fic. The title was taken from the song 'Fences' by Paramore because I thought it accurately reflected my piece.